open relationships and other things i would and do fail at

i was talking to my good friend joe alexander tonight about scenes and rumors at aladins. i'm sure you all know by now that i work there. it's a fun place with awesome people. it can also be an un-fun place with douchebags and whores, but i suppose the same can be said for the rest of the world.

i admitted to him that aladins could look like a scene from hell on friday nights, and he was quick to agree. i'm all for fun and dancing. i've grinded on people too. never been serious about it, and i don't think i've looked too smutty doing it. everything good in moderation, right? but when i stop and take a look around, sometimes it's just way past moderation. it looks like sex; an uncontrollable orgy. it looks like hell; to me anyways.

that got me thinking about my own sexuality and what i could see myself doing without ultimately feeling like a piece of crap in the end.

open relationships

how are they done?? i feel like you'd have to be super mentally stable or the opposite to handle such a thing. sex is awesome-noted, and agree. but when you like someone enough that you both decide to commit to one another, that's a relationship, right? i can't imagine having a discussion that would go something like, "i really enjoy you, boyfriend. but you're free to have others, and so am i."

i will admit straight up that i would get insanely jealous in such a situation. there's no way that i wouldn't. therefore, i fail at open relationships. is that a bad thing?

orgies

just no. especially with random strangers. it seems like something i would do if was feeling super self-destructive and just wanted to maim my soul. i'm so monogamously inclined that it's bitter-tasting.

cheating

once again, fail. i'm so thankful that i've never been cheated on. i don't believe that one is able to cheat if there is no relationship established. cool. i just don't understand why someone would cheat. perhaps i could understand a single incident, however i am awesome at holding grudges and would be slow to forgive. but if you're unhappy in a situation, wouldn't you want to change it? why would you stay with someone just to sneak behind their back? it escapes me.

i apologize for the length of the blog. my mind is racing at 4am and i can't stop it. so those are some things that i would fail at. perhaps over time my thoughts on these things would change. maybe i need to just experience more and stop over-analyzing. oh well. tis life.