things could be different and i could be happier maybe

i dunno why you fell for me, but you did. i wanted to feel the same for you, but the feelings never came. i strung you along of course, maybe simply as a backup for when the other guys would make me cry. then i could cry on your shoulder.

i ended up rejecting you. after months of testing the waters and seeing if i could ever be in love with you, i gave up. but what if i hadn't? you wanted to provide everything for me. i could use a little of that now...

let's say i stayed. not the kind of happy i'd be looking for, right? pretending that i'd fallen? but maybe over time i would have gotten used to a new definition of happiness. i could have forced my mind to slowly dissolve my natural conceptions of love: constantly thinking about them, wanting them, caring for them to the point where i'd literally become fucking high.

a future with you, comfortable and having learned to be happy, i would have everything that i feel like i need right now. whenever you'd say "i love you," i would reply, "i love you too." perfect, right? and every time i spoke those words, there would linger somewhere locked away in my soul, or heart, or conscience of some sort, a nagging, forever present yet weakened whisper: "you lie."

nah...