pecan pie

i have made yet another pecan pie and my intention is to finally give this one to him. i've already made two. before i had the chance to give him those, i ate them cause i lack self control and pecan pie is really delicious. what really sucks is that i made them for his birthday, which has come and gone. i'm so selfish. but i will not touch this pie because last night he told me that he liked me.

the little boys that try to play

i've had three guys rapid fire immediately decide to quit trying to pursue me and act like little titty babies because 1) they became aware that i liked someone that wasn't them and/or 2) i just flat out told them "no" when they tried to get into my pants.

ok, so about the first reason. as of today, 7/28/11, i like one dude. a month ago, i liked a different dude. months before that, i liked someone else. multiple someone elses. unfortunately (or fortunately), nothing worked out with any of the guys that i liked. they were all d bags :) what i'm trying to say is...time changes shit. what is meant to be will be. if you think that i'm not worth the effort and you wanna quit when i'm not interested in you at the moment, then...i really never will be interested in you! and you wonder why girls look past you?

and about the second reason. just NO, i don't want you like that. and one guy says to me, "you know, there are still some genuine guys like me left." before i can finish laughing my balls off (trust me, he was only about getting with me), i've already been unfriended. AW, MY SOUL!! looks like you're farther away from my pants than you were before, if that's possible. maybe try talking to the next girl like she's more than just a sex object and things might go more smoothly for you.

i'm a bee hotch and i'm full of myself. just waiting for someone, anyone to give me a heart boner.

i was just a conquest, and you're a dick

and it sucks that i have to keep what you did to myself and i can't fight it. in everyone else's eyes, and your own, you did no wrong. but you're a bitch. i didn't deserve to be treated like some ho. you'll get your comeuppance eventually. at least i hope so. unfair.

why i can't stop

i'm addicted.

frenemies

ever done this? on the surface, you smile. you talk, just to keep things friendly. but in reality, everything about them pisses you off. it's the same for them too. you know it, but they smile back. :) fuckin bitch.

i don't like you! i hate pretending!! so i won't anymore! get away from me! i could punch you!! i'm a bitch!! i always knew i would be. SO JUDGE ALL YOU WANT, KIDS, CAUSE YOU NEVER DID BECOME AN ASTRONAUT.

dear beautiful mixed man with the dreads

those long, beautiful dreads, UGH. what a gorgeous, gorgeous man. and when you told me that you're mixed black, puerto rican, and french, i just about died. that's my thing, man. mixed guys with long hair.

just wanna say that it sucks that you're back in new york. i don't know why you even decided to visit fredericksburg. i'm pretty certain that i'll never see you again.

but if in a few years, you find yourself without a life partner but desiring kids, you need to HIT ME UP. MM. our kids would be, i mean, Jesus. so willing to bear your children.

love,

ash

creepy yet true story

when i was two, i went to new york with my dad so that his side of the family could see me. somewhere along the trip, a lady put a curse on me. apparently she was jealous. i don't know of what. it seems like something to shrug off, i know, but my dad didn't. he got together a bunch of different things for some sort of ritual to lift the curse, but of course it freaked my mom out. she wouldn't allow my dad to go through with it. i suppose she was more afraid that what my dad would do could hurt me in some way. they're both christian.

anyway, i've often wondered just what exactly the curse was...not saying that i believe in it. they say something like that can't have power over you unless you give it power (if you believe in it). but what if i was cursed? with what? i bet i could make some guesses haha. what do you think?

but in one of my earliest memories, i recall laying on a bed in atlantic city and looking at the window curtain and noticing a pair of eyes. just staring at me. i think i just ended up falling asleep.

but some years later, i saw those eyes again as i passed through the hall in a different house. i looked towards a window and saw those eyes. just glaring. they didn't fade; they stayed and watched. i grabbed my mom and told her to go look for herself. she didn't see them. she just laughed and said, "i guess those eyes are just for you."

well, that's my creepy story before i pass out thanks to this nyquil. but eh, i'm just kinda waiting to see those eyes again...i feel like i'm past due for those bitches.