i told him i'd rather kiss a dead moose's butt. then i punched him in the face when he tried to kiss me anyway. this is why i wasn't kissed until i was 19.
2. in 2nd grade, i really liked to hug people. including girls. one day my best friend and crush at the time started teasing me saying "ashlee's gay!" i went and told my teacher about it and she said "are you sure they don't mean 'happy'?"
i'm in second grade, but i'm not stupid. dumb bitch. anyway, i was weird about hugging girls for years after that.
3. once when me and my bf at the time were having fun, things got crazy and we flipped over the damn futon. it made an insanely loud crash. i heard his mom downstairs scream "what the HELL was that!?," and then she and his sister rushed upstairs to see if we were okay.
he cracked open the door, "do you really wanna know?"
"oh.....no."
4. that reminds me...i also put a blindfold on him, tied his arms up with a leopard printed belt, and paraded him in front of his sisters and other company. he deserved it.
5. a guy was hitting on me not too long ago. he seemed to really like me and was trying to get me to go out with him that night.
"do you drink?"
"nah."
"and you don't smoke either?"
"nope."
"oh you're a good girl, you don't want me."
then he told me to have a good day and left. at least he was honest?
6. when i was in school in a.c., i was known as the smart shy kid. we had a states and capitals competition one day. when it was my turn, the teacher said "wyoming." i shouted "cheyenne!," but pronounced it "shey-en-ee." they counted it as incorrect.
my team lost. i blamed myself and cried hard.
7. my rotty nala loved me, but was known for attacking people. a friend of the family's came over and really wanted to see nala. i stood beside her just in case and sure enough, my dog snapped and tried to attack. i jumped on nala and held her down while i screamed "GO, NOW!!!"
it was like a cool action flick.
8. years before i had nala, i had sheba-a half rotty. i also had a rooster. sheba broke loose from her chain and started to chase the rooster. i grabbed onto sheba's chain and held on for dear life in hopes of slowing her down so she wouldn't catch it. my mom cracked up at how my legs were flying like a rag doll.
btw a few days later my rooster went missing. a few days after that, i found its mostly eaten body. she also ate my cat. and my neighbor's groceries when they left the bags in the bed of their truck.
9. i used to like wrestling. i was wrestling this one guy and he really pissed me off somehow. i did this one move where i put his head between my legs, lifted him up by his waist and over my head, then threw him head-first into the ground.
a cement ground. he started crying and told me his "brain hurt." i and others present started laughing and from then on when we wanted to wrestle, we said, "wanna play brain ache?"
i could've killed that boy...so this one isn't actually too funny. and i can remember the sound the impact made. it makes me feel horrible when i think about it.
10. the dude above's sister got into a fight with a boy. a serious physical fight. punching and kicking and craziness. we had just gotten back to her house from walking from the store, where i had bought a pickle.
i tried to break up the fight by offering them my pickle.
geez, i tried to think up 10 things and it was difficult!! my life isn't very fun.
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