kinky hair 101

i really wanna write about hair because it's such a huge issue and i don't think that many people realize it is.

i have natural hair now. i've been growing my natural hair for going on two years (will be two years around christmastime). before that, like many other sistas, i relaxed it. i really liked my hair when it was relaxed. it was still moderately healthy and thick, and i thought i looked so sexy with my straight hair and bangs. everyone else liked it too.

therein lies the problem. i liked my hair when it was altered by harmful chemicals rather than the hair that came straight from my scalp. one day when i "needed" a relaxer, i ran my fingers through my hair. of course my roots had grown out quite a bit and i could feel my natural kinks comin in and the first thing i thought was, "ugh that's so disgusting. my hair is so nappy." i guess then it just hit me.

before even thinking about it, i had a friend shave it all off. it was such bullshit that i learned to believe that how my hair was naturally was something to be embarrassed by and something to avoid. i can't say i was ready to shave it all off, but i was going to force myself. i was gonna make myself have no choice but to love my crazy hair.

you might be wonderin what the big deal is. it's just hair, right? NO it's SUCH a huge deal to me. and to many other ladies. i believe our hair is a big part of our self-esteem, and i already had a crappy confidence level. you know what it's like to feel so unpretty already and then chop off one of the things you think straight up keeps you from being ugly?

what sucks is that even when i shaved my head, i was hoping that i would have curls like my dad's side of the family or like mixed people have. that's also such bullshit! i was disappointed when i slowly realized i didn't have those looser curls, and was disappointed in my disappointment. but like i said; i was just going to make myself learn to love it. and it's a process, but i'm much better than i was before. one day i'll really know how to handle my hair and i will sincerely think it is beautiful and that i'm beautiful.

a lot of ladies who go natural call it a journey. it really is. don't you think it's weird that it's so revolutionary for me to just let my hair grow as it's supposed to? but it is.

this is just the first of probably a few posts about hair.

(pic is of my beautiful friend carla who is growing her natural hair out! we have the same type, i believe.)