fact.

ashlee native rivera harris:

infecting white people with jungle fever since 1988.

another blow to the self esteem

i'm beginning to think that second chances were a bullshit idea conjured up by a manipulator or user of some sort. as they say, fool me twice...

i don't like feeling unpretty, damnit!

rant blog, fucking go.

i am glad my eyes were opened tonight. there's nothing i hate more than being lied to, being used...i'm too fucking beautiful for this bullshit.

i can't stress this enough. where are the real people? why do i feel so fucking alone with how i believe that human fucking beings should act; how they should treat one another? for God's sake, life is hard enough without the people with fake smiles who aim to just tear your shit down and apart.

listen. i swear on everything in me that i will do my best to treat you with respect; to be honest with my actions and my words. i need the same from people i surround myself with. i've been through some shit. we all have. do you need this stress? i don't. i don't want to have to always question what's real and what's not. i just wanna fucking be happy. if you can't help me with that, then by all means, step the fuck out of my way.

and for those who i've found are good, genuine, humble people...you have no idea how much i appreciate how you live your life everyday. thank you so much for pulling back my faith in this world whenever it seems so close to burning out. thank you so much.

my nicknames at work so far

foxy brown

fro fro

foxy fro fro

foxy brown macy gray

and now: mama africa

wtf y'all? seriously? lmao

hittin on the bartender. ashlee's the bartender??

yeeeaaa i had to help out these three guys at the bar this afternoon. at first i was annoyed that i was bein asked to make 'em drinks when i clearly know nothing when it comes to alcohol, but i was honest with them and they were chill. they all got the same drink to make it easy on me and told me how to make it. they even helped me find the hennessy haha.

i guess they thought i was cute cause they hit on me the entire time. well, it was really only one in particular. he kept going on about how he was going to tip me well, and after a while that's all i was lookin forward to: seein if he would really make it rain or be a dick and back out. so i was nice and flirted back.

night goes on and the guy asks me if i have a twitter. i laughed cause i never go on that shit, but told him yea. so he says he's gonna follow me...alrighty.

finally they leave. guy doesn't press for my number or anything like most guys do. he just said he was gonna follow me on twitter, and then he said bye and peaced out.

end result: they made it rain, yay! i made good money tonight.

i'm home now and just logged onto twitter. turns out the dude did sign up to follow me! i went to check out his page and scrolled down through all of his tweets to around the time where he would have been at aladins with me.

"@baybag makes the best drinks . She could be wifey *_*"

:3 awww i'm all flattered and shit.

no good deed goes unpunished

what's up with that? too often recently i've been finding myself doing nice things for others only to have said others do something shitty to me in return.

do someone a favor that they take for granted, don't appreciate, and never attempt to return.

taking care of people at aladins, kissing their asses, and having them stiff you. or walk out.

sometimes i wonder what it is about me that makes people wanna jump at the chance to take advantage of me or hurt my feelings in some other way. i'm tired of it and am getting pissed as shit. usually i just try to let it go, but now i don't want to. i just wanna do the same bullshit to them, which is upsetting cause i know it means i'm stooping down to their level.

is it that hard to be a genuinely good person? that hard to be decent? you bitches.

self esteem sucks.

i'm prettier in the face. probably a cooler chick, too. i'll give myself that. but i have no chest. i lose.

the only person who called me beautiful tonight was some drunk old dude with jacked up teeth. i feel like that makes things worse, though i appreciate the compliment.

hahaha my self esteem is plummeting. what do i do? :/ wallow in self pity for a bit, s'pose.