"ashlee's lookin at older guys!"

"THANK GOD!" -betsy love.

everyone knows that i'm naturally drawn to those younger than me. like 18-21 is the age range that i've been going on dates with. i don't know why. when we go out to eat, they can't pay for me cause they most likely don't have a job. the majority don't have a car. one even asked to borrow money from me. not to mention that a relationship is pretty much out of the question. it's just been crappy. but they're so exciting to me for some reason.

when i turn around and go on dates with guys who are 24-26, it's so different. they insist on paying for me. they have careers, what? and cars, huh? i think i feel kind of intimidated. they're better off than me with their own places and masters degrees. sometimes i feel like they're stuck up. i guess i feel like i lack control with an older man. if they took care of me, i'd feel indebted somehow. i dunno.

dating is so weird. i still can't fight the desire to go to a club and meet a sexy, young guy who i know will ultimately treat me like crap. but i guess i should give it a whirl, so...here we go again.

i'm an asshole.

yesterday i went over to joan of asia's house while her mom was preparing a dish for dinner. it looked tasty, it smelled tasty, and it was tasty. i asked her what the name of the dish was. since her accent is a bit heavy and i'm a bit of an asshole, i assumed that she was saying the name of the dish in her language. i kept repeating after her trying to get the name just right.

"unh tai to? anh...anh thai tol?"

"she's saying 'untitled'". -joan of asia

now that i actually have a boyfriend

i don't think i remember how to be a girlfriend. it's been almost two years. flowers and feelings and all that shit, right? i guess i'll wing it-fingers crossed.

aw, here it goes.

"what do you expect these days?"

i got all play/actually pissed off during a costume contest tonight. my friend arielle and i were dressed up as mario and luigi and we decided we'd sign up for the contest for kicks, knowing full well that we wouldn't win. we knew that to win, you'd have to be a scantily clad female. despite knowing what would happen, it didn't stop me from getting agitated by seeing the final females barely dressed with lingerie. shit, two of them didn't even have the standard bunny/cat ears. they just had bra and panties, perhaps a garter belt, and an unbuttoned shirt. i guess they had dressed up as uhhh...well, the announcer called them strippers. didn't hear them disagree.

i don't think that i'm a feminist. i feel like the majority of women should feel the way i do about these sorts of things and that it's not an extreme view to have. some people might get annoyed by this post, but they can suck my balls. i'm not being a sore loser (although mario and luigi will always reign supreme), and i'm not just dissin hos. but seein a group of guys gather around and drool over a half-naked chick asked to drop it low and shake her ass is just...it's whack, yo.

in other news, i still haven't had any luck with guys. i've settled for saying "i'm looking for a relationship" on a first date/meet and greet/whatever with a dude just to make things clear and get em out of the way. the most recent dude i had to let go because he didn't wanna give up the freedom to basically be with any girl he wants when he wants i guess. i can't think of any other reason. if ya don't want in my pants, but don't ultimately want a relationship, ehhh something's not adding up. he apparently liked me, but not enough to commit. committing is not the in thing these days. and i wouldn't want you to miss out on the half-naked chick droppin it low and shakin her ass. by all means, be free. there has to be a guy out there who will appreciate me, love me, and want only me. he's there, damnit. sometimes i honestly feel like i've looked past him because of my own stupidity...

tool

i called you that from the beginning. you look like a tool. you talk like a tool. i dunno why, but i keep thinking that guys like you deserve at least a small chance. i feel like i'm different from the girls you're used to, so you should treat me differently. and when you don't, what does that mean? i guess i've become the same as them. i guess i deserve for you to treat me like i'm disposable :/

i was a fool

and i'm still a fool. but this time a guy has made ME a pecan pie! so SUCK on THAT.

names that are awkward to say in bed

by: ashlee and arielle at 2am

john paul joseph senior (i dunno why you'd say his entire name in bed. ask arielle.)

lucas

pete

nathaniel

ed

arielle fell asleep.

this is a stupid blog.

i think i'm racist because i'm only finding darker skin to be immediately attractive at the moment.

wtf why is this guy talking to me? i ended things because i wanted to end them, not because i wanted to hear from you a month later.

it's not that i hold bitter feelings towards him. if i see him out and about, i might hit the gas though. impulses, yo.

ya know that awkward time when a romance fails and there's nothing going on with anyone...you know the time will be brief before a new wild one appears, but you still wonder who it will be and when. and then there they are. standing with their cell phone out, trynna get yo numba. another stupid one. i like those.