my sex life and who i'd like to date

wow.

nice try, pervert.

highlight of my night

it's friday night at aladins. i'm running around, or at least trying to cause it's so crowded, when this guy i'm trying to squeeze by at the bar takes my hand and stops me. he says something like, "i've been wanting to tell you all night that you are really rockin that natural look, i love it and you are so beautiful."

i immediately lit up; i was so happy. i love getting random compliments like that; especially ones about my natural hair and saying that i look beautiful naturally. i'm like, THANK YOU, out of all of these scantily clad ladies out here, i stood out to you.

BUT ten minutes later, he runs into me in the hallway and comes out with the same compliments. i smile and say thank you again, and then he asks how old i am. when i tell him that i'm 22, he kinda grunts and says, "damn i'm about 20 years your senior. i'm 43."

that's cool, whatever, i gotta run. a few minutes later, he stops me at the bar again. then i'm thinkin, ok, this guy's drunk. he says the natural beauty thing again. then he asks me how old i am...again.

"i'm...22."

"damn, guess how old i am."

"43."

"i told you?"

yeaaaa off i go. i forget about the guy for a bit, until his buddy stops me at the bar. he has the same compliments to give, and is holding my hand and telling me his name. i'm thinking maybe he was introduced as the guy's son?

i didn't have time to hear the explanation fully cause gabby runs up and pulls me away while saying, "ASHLEE, I NEED YOU TO FIX MY HOOKAH."

"i just saved yo life." hahaha, yea you did, gabby.

last time i got a glimpse of the dude was when he managed to sneak in an ass-grab as he pushed by me while i was standing by the hostess station. all i could do was look at gabby in shock and say,

"he grabbed my ass...he just grabbed my ass!!"

fin.

my libido is slowly dying

and although i feel lonely, now i find it annoying when you pester me for dates.

time for random thoughts.

if i ever become famous, questionable photos of me will definitely surface.

holding hands is now the most intimate thing for me, and when someone takes my hand, it kinda shocks me actually. and then i feel all lovey.

even if people know that i don't drink, they still periodically freak out about it.

i think i'm attracted to people who aren't stable. emotionally and financially. i dunno why. i'm a glutton for some sort of hurt i suppose.

PUPPIES.

i don't understand why people play games when it comes to feelings. if i like someone, i tell them. if i don't, i tell them. i guess it's weird when you break the rules and just come out with a, "hey, i like you." which is stupid.

i'm afraid for charlie sheen.

i miss my dada ben.

yudi.

yudi.

today yudi molested my afro. he said he'd never had the opportunity to touch an afro like mine.

yudi and his cousin threw dollar bills on the dance floor at aladins.

yudi likes to drink hennesy and coke.

yudi is probably heading to maryland tonight. reason: "TRYNNA GET INTO SOMETHIN MAN LIKE AY YO IF YOU GOT FEMALES NIGGA MAN HIT EM UP ASK IF THEY FINNA GET INTO SOMETHIN MAN"

yudi is one crazy-ass mofo.

open relationships and other things i would and do fail at

i was talking to my good friend joe alexander tonight about scenes and rumors at aladins. i'm sure you all know by now that i work there. it's a fun place with awesome people. it can also be an un-fun place with douchebags and whores, but i suppose the same can be said for the rest of the world.

i admitted to him that aladins could look like a scene from hell on friday nights, and he was quick to agree. i'm all for fun and dancing. i've grinded on people too. never been serious about it, and i don't think i've looked too smutty doing it. everything good in moderation, right? but when i stop and take a look around, sometimes it's just way past moderation. it looks like sex; an uncontrollable orgy. it looks like hell; to me anyways.

that got me thinking about my own sexuality and what i could see myself doing without ultimately feeling like a piece of crap in the end.

open relationships

how are they done?? i feel like you'd have to be super mentally stable or the opposite to handle such a thing. sex is awesome-noted, and agree. but when you like someone enough that you both decide to commit to one another, that's a relationship, right? i can't imagine having a discussion that would go something like, "i really enjoy you, boyfriend. but you're free to have others, and so am i."

i will admit straight up that i would get insanely jealous in such a situation. there's no way that i wouldn't. therefore, i fail at open relationships. is that a bad thing?

orgies

just no. especially with random strangers. it seems like something i would do if was feeling super self-destructive and just wanted to maim my soul. i'm so monogamously inclined that it's bitter-tasting.

cheating

once again, fail. i'm so thankful that i've never been cheated on. i don't believe that one is able to cheat if there is no relationship established. cool. i just don't understand why someone would cheat. perhaps i could understand a single incident, however i am awesome at holding grudges and would be slow to forgive. but if you're unhappy in a situation, wouldn't you want to change it? why would you stay with someone just to sneak behind their back? it escapes me.

i apologize for the length of the blog. my mind is racing at 4am and i can't stop it. so those are some things that i would fail at. perhaps over time my thoughts on these things would change. maybe i need to just experience more and stop over-analyzing. oh well. tis life.

there's a certain whore that i miss

i don't know why. he was the best kiss i'd ever had. how many other girls has he kissed? undoubtedly hundreds. for some reason, i don't care. i just want another perfect whore kiss :(

i have about eight lovers and four boyfriends.

but i ain't gots no love :'(