yudi.

yudi.

today yudi molested my afro. he said he'd never had the opportunity to touch an afro like mine.

yudi and his cousin threw dollar bills on the dance floor at aladins.

yudi likes to drink hennesy and coke.

yudi is probably heading to maryland tonight. reason: "TRYNNA GET INTO SOMETHIN MAN LIKE AY YO IF YOU GOT FEMALES NIGGA MAN HIT EM UP ASK IF THEY FINNA GET INTO SOMETHIN MAN"

yudi is one crazy-ass mofo.

open relationships and other things i would and do fail at

i was talking to my good friend joe alexander tonight about scenes and rumors at aladins. i'm sure you all know by now that i work there. it's a fun place with awesome people. it can also be an un-fun place with douchebags and whores, but i suppose the same can be said for the rest of the world.

i admitted to him that aladins could look like a scene from hell on friday nights, and he was quick to agree. i'm all for fun and dancing. i've grinded on people too. never been serious about it, and i don't think i've looked too smutty doing it. everything good in moderation, right? but when i stop and take a look around, sometimes it's just way past moderation. it looks like sex; an uncontrollable orgy. it looks like hell; to me anyways.

that got me thinking about my own sexuality and what i could see myself doing without ultimately feeling like a piece of crap in the end.

open relationships

how are they done?? i feel like you'd have to be super mentally stable or the opposite to handle such a thing. sex is awesome-noted, and agree. but when you like someone enough that you both decide to commit to one another, that's a relationship, right? i can't imagine having a discussion that would go something like, "i really enjoy you, boyfriend. but you're free to have others, and so am i."

i will admit straight up that i would get insanely jealous in such a situation. there's no way that i wouldn't. therefore, i fail at open relationships. is that a bad thing?

orgies

just no. especially with random strangers. it seems like something i would do if was feeling super self-destructive and just wanted to maim my soul. i'm so monogamously inclined that it's bitter-tasting.

cheating

once again, fail. i'm so thankful that i've never been cheated on. i don't believe that one is able to cheat if there is no relationship established. cool. i just don't understand why someone would cheat. perhaps i could understand a single incident, however i am awesome at holding grudges and would be slow to forgive. but if you're unhappy in a situation, wouldn't you want to change it? why would you stay with someone just to sneak behind their back? it escapes me.

i apologize for the length of the blog. my mind is racing at 4am and i can't stop it. so those are some things that i would fail at. perhaps over time my thoughts on these things would change. maybe i need to just experience more and stop over-analyzing. oh well. tis life.

there's a certain whore that i miss

i don't know why. he was the best kiss i'd ever had. how many other girls has he kissed? undoubtedly hundreds. for some reason, i don't care. i just want another perfect whore kiss :(

i have about eight lovers and four boyfriends.

but i ain't gots no love :'(

next time i overhear someone in the act of sex...

i am going to stand close enough so as to be heard, wait a little while, and then yell out,

"100 COMBO!!!!!" and of course i'll applaud and whistle. everybody's watchin YOU!!

hahaha. sex should never be taken seriously. except of course for the times when it should be.

funny moment in walmart: guy asks for my number

i am a fat bastard. i will go to walmart for the sole purpose of buying these inexpensive yet delicious holiday snack cakes, and that's exactly what i did tonight with arielle. while i was in the aisle explaining to arielle why the cakes were so amazing, up walks this guy out of nowhere.

he was like mid to late twenties maybe? not attractive at all in my opinion, just average. anyway, he says that he noticed me in the aisle (i swear he only had enough time to see me for one second and then immediately walk over) and wanted to introduce himself, so he did. told me his name and that he was new to the area and was originally from AL or whatever. i didn't care, but he sounded official. he then said "i just wanted to reach out to you."

the first thing i think is, oh no. he's seen how tight my jeans are and thinks i'm some loose girl with poor morals and wants to direct me towards Christ or something.

but then he says to me, "i was just wondering if we could exchange numbers."

so i say in a bashful tone while covering my face, "oh sorry, i have a boyfriend and he wouldn't really like that :)"

"it's alright, i believe you. well then have a good one." umm and if he didn't believe me? twas a lie i told, but really, what could he do if i didn't want his number?

hah, reach out. reach out to grab that ass is more like it.

i think i figured out my biggest problem

notice how i said biggest. problemz, i has lots! XD

but in all seriousness...i think i've regressed back to age eighteen mentally. or maybe i've just been stuck there? but i feel like i'm finally starting to do all of the things that i should have been doing in college: partying and meeting new people, clubbing, and a few other things i probably won't be too proud of down the line that involves getting busted by cops haha, although experimenting owns. it's just that now i'm in a heap of boy trouble.

which is another thing, boys...that's the type i immediately go for. not men with goals that can provide for me, but childish guys who are attractive and have boyish charm but are ultimately douchebags who are just playin the field. they're always younger than me, but at least they're all legal.

meh...even though i know that i'm making a lot of mistakes, i don't regret them and i like what i'm doing right now. i should've already experienced all of this stuff, but i was straight up in love with someone throughout all 4 years of school and really had no desire to look at other guys or try anything new. i feel like i missed out on a lot of fun because of it...

oh well, i'll let you know how this jank goes.