funny moment in walmart: guy asks for my number

i am a fat bastard. i will go to walmart for the sole purpose of buying these inexpensive yet delicious holiday snack cakes, and that's exactly what i did tonight with arielle. while i was in the aisle explaining to arielle why the cakes were so amazing, up walks this guy out of nowhere.

he was like mid to late twenties maybe? not attractive at all in my opinion, just average. anyway, he says that he noticed me in the aisle (i swear he only had enough time to see me for one second and then immediately walk over) and wanted to introduce himself, so he did. told me his name and that he was new to the area and was originally from AL or whatever. i didn't care, but he sounded official. he then said "i just wanted to reach out to you."

the first thing i think is, oh no. he's seen how tight my jeans are and thinks i'm some loose girl with poor morals and wants to direct me towards Christ or something.

but then he says to me, "i was just wondering if we could exchange numbers."

so i say in a bashful tone while covering my face, "oh sorry, i have a boyfriend and he wouldn't really like that :)"

"it's alright, i believe you. well then have a good one." umm and if he didn't believe me? twas a lie i told, but really, what could he do if i didn't want his number?

hah, reach out. reach out to grab that ass is more like it.

i think i figured out my biggest problem

notice how i said biggest. problemz, i has lots! XD

but in all seriousness...i think i've regressed back to age eighteen mentally. or maybe i've just been stuck there? but i feel like i'm finally starting to do all of the things that i should have been doing in college: partying and meeting new people, clubbing, and a few other things i probably won't be too proud of down the line that involves getting busted by cops haha, although experimenting owns. it's just that now i'm in a heap of boy trouble.

which is another thing, boys...that's the type i immediately go for. not men with goals that can provide for me, but childish guys who are attractive and have boyish charm but are ultimately douchebags who are just playin the field. they're always younger than me, but at least they're all legal.

meh...even though i know that i'm making a lot of mistakes, i don't regret them and i like what i'm doing right now. i should've already experienced all of this stuff, but i was straight up in love with someone throughout all 4 years of school and really had no desire to look at other guys or try anything new. i feel like i missed out on a lot of fun because of it...

oh well, i'll let you know how this jank goes.

i feel like a puppy.

yesh. i feel like a poor puppy that has multiple people kneelin and whistlin and makin cute kissy noises at me to encourage me to walk their way. buuuut i don't wanna walk to any of them. not so soon, anyway. i can't choose. i don't have all items and information necessary to make the correct decision...

if i use my head, i guess the answer is obvious. but what i feel is screamin somethin else. i dunno how much longer i can wait, and i dunno if they'll wait much longer. waiting sucks balls, especially if it's in vain. well...would ya wait for me? or have the courage that i don't have just yet? i wanna feel like i'm worth the effort anyway.

now if i could just say this to the people that it needs to be said to...hahaha, says betsy love. no pressure at all. it's only just spilling out of my ears!

my christmas wishlist

this is a list of everything i want right now.

anything pokemon

anything mario

an eye exam and new glasses

peanut butter and chocolate noms

anime and snuggle marathon

scary movie and snuggle marathon

learn how to play mario kart love song

full body massage

sincere apologies

hot oil bath with candles at night (lover optional)

surprise hug attack from jeff brown

video games with arielle and betsy

leche FLAN with joan of asia

trip to smithsonian or zoo

BIKO BIKO BIKO!

kisses from a puppy

spontaneous road trip starting at midnight with the sole purpose of getting lost as shit

surprise pizza

romance

and clothes.

if you read this, you must help me attain one of these things or i shall cry.

kinky hair 101

i really wanna write about hair because it's such a huge issue and i don't think that many people realize it is.

i have natural hair now. i've been growing my natural hair for going on two years (will be two years around christmastime). before that, like many other sistas, i relaxed it. i really liked my hair when it was relaxed. it was still moderately healthy and thick, and i thought i looked so sexy with my straight hair and bangs. everyone else liked it too.

therein lies the problem. i liked my hair when it was altered by harmful chemicals rather than the hair that came straight from my scalp. one day when i "needed" a relaxer, i ran my fingers through my hair. of course my roots had grown out quite a bit and i could feel my natural kinks comin in and the first thing i thought was, "ugh that's so disgusting. my hair is so nappy." i guess then it just hit me.

before even thinking about it, i had a friend shave it all off. it was such bullshit that i learned to believe that how my hair was naturally was something to be embarrassed by and something to avoid. i can't say i was ready to shave it all off, but i was going to force myself. i was gonna make myself have no choice but to love my crazy hair.

you might be wonderin what the big deal is. it's just hair, right? NO it's SUCH a huge deal to me. and to many other ladies. i believe our hair is a big part of our self-esteem, and i already had a crappy confidence level. you know what it's like to feel so unpretty already and then chop off one of the things you think straight up keeps you from being ugly?

what sucks is that even when i shaved my head, i was hoping that i would have curls like my dad's side of the family or like mixed people have. that's also such bullshit! i was disappointed when i slowly realized i didn't have those looser curls, and was disappointed in my disappointment. but like i said; i was just going to make myself learn to love it. and it's a process, but i'm much better than i was before. one day i'll really know how to handle my hair and i will sincerely think it is beautiful and that i'm beautiful.

a lot of ladies who go natural call it a journey. it really is. don't you think it's weird that it's so revolutionary for me to just let my hair grow as it's supposed to? but it is.

this is just the first of probably a few posts about hair.

(pic is of my beautiful friend carla who is growing her natural hair out! we have the same type, i believe.)

i gotta apologize to some dudes :(

blehhh i've been kind of a bitch lately. i know of a couple of guys who like me. presently, the feelings aren't mutual. however, i've said and done things that i believe may have lead them on, and i may have done these on purpose.

most of you know about the crap i went through at the end of my last semester in school. i was miserable feeling that i wasn't wanted by the one person i did. i'm over that and him now thankfully. but i guess to make up for it, i've been trying to keep a few guys chasing me so i could feel desired.

it's just mean, really. i know what it's like to be lead on and dropped off and hated it. unrequited feelings suck. and i'm sorry if i've done something stupid to mess with your feelings. i do care, and i'll try and be more honest now for others and myself.

but if i get crushed soon down the road, i'll know karma is knockin me on my ass for playing around with guys lol :/

why do i even still like boys? :'(

wannhhh *sniff*

i looked so cute today. got a lot of compliments and a boyfriend request lol. but was it from any guys i actually like? nope. turned it down.

a guy i do like who i saw tonight seriously made an effort to not look at me at all. why?

whatever. unrequited like/love is for chumps! :'(