funny moment in walmart: guy asks for my number

i am a fat bastard. i will go to walmart for the sole purpose of buying these inexpensive yet delicious holiday snack cakes, and that's exactly what i did tonight with arielle. while i was in the aisle explaining to arielle why the cakes were so amazing, up walks this guy out of nowhere.

he was like mid to late twenties maybe? not attractive at all in my opinion, just average. anyway, he says that he noticed me in the aisle (i swear he only had enough time to see me for one second and then immediately walk over) and wanted to introduce himself, so he did. told me his name and that he was new to the area and was originally from AL or whatever. i didn't care, but he sounded official. he then said "i just wanted to reach out to you."

the first thing i think is, oh no. he's seen how tight my jeans are and thinks i'm some loose girl with poor morals and wants to direct me towards Christ or something.

but then he says to me, "i was just wondering if we could exchange numbers."

so i say in a bashful tone while covering my face, "oh sorry, i have a boyfriend and he wouldn't really like that :)"

"it's alright, i believe you. well then have a good one." umm and if he didn't believe me? twas a lie i told, but really, what could he do if i didn't want his number?

hah, reach out. reach out to grab that ass is more like it.

i think i figured out my biggest problem

notice how i said biggest. problemz, i has lots! XD

but in all seriousness...i think i've regressed back to age eighteen mentally. or maybe i've just been stuck there? but i feel like i'm finally starting to do all of the things that i should have been doing in college: partying and meeting new people, clubbing, and a few other things i probably won't be too proud of down the line that involves getting busted by cops haha, although experimenting owns. it's just that now i'm in a heap of boy trouble.

which is another thing, boys...that's the type i immediately go for. not men with goals that can provide for me, but childish guys who are attractive and have boyish charm but are ultimately douchebags who are just playin the field. they're always younger than me, but at least they're all legal.

meh...even though i know that i'm making a lot of mistakes, i don't regret them and i like what i'm doing right now. i should've already experienced all of this stuff, but i was straight up in love with someone throughout all 4 years of school and really had no desire to look at other guys or try anything new. i feel like i missed out on a lot of fun because of it...

oh well, i'll let you know how this jank goes.

i feel like a puppy.

yesh. i feel like a poor puppy that has multiple people kneelin and whistlin and makin cute kissy noises at me to encourage me to walk their way. buuuut i don't wanna walk to any of them. not so soon, anyway. i can't choose. i don't have all items and information necessary to make the correct decision...

if i use my head, i guess the answer is obvious. but what i feel is screamin somethin else. i dunno how much longer i can wait, and i dunno if they'll wait much longer. waiting sucks balls, especially if it's in vain. well...would ya wait for me? or have the courage that i don't have just yet? i wanna feel like i'm worth the effort anyway.

now if i could just say this to the people that it needs to be said to...hahaha, says betsy love. no pressure at all. it's only just spilling out of my ears!

my christmas wishlist

this is a list of everything i want right now.

anything pokemon

anything mario

an eye exam and new glasses

peanut butter and chocolate noms

anime and snuggle marathon

scary movie and snuggle marathon

learn how to play mario kart love song

full body massage

sincere apologies

hot oil bath with candles at night (lover optional)

surprise hug attack from jeff brown

video games with arielle and betsy

leche FLAN with joan of asia

trip to smithsonian or zoo

BIKO BIKO BIKO!

kisses from a puppy

spontaneous road trip starting at midnight with the sole purpose of getting lost as shit

surprise pizza

romance

and clothes.

if you read this, you must help me attain one of these things or i shall cry.

kinky hair 101

i really wanna write about hair because it's such a huge issue and i don't think that many people realize it is.

i have natural hair now. i've been growing my natural hair for going on two years (will be two years around christmastime). before that, like many other sistas, i relaxed it. i really liked my hair when it was relaxed. it was still moderately healthy and thick, and i thought i looked so sexy with my straight hair and bangs. everyone else liked it too.

therein lies the problem. i liked my hair when it was altered by harmful chemicals rather than the hair that came straight from my scalp. one day when i "needed" a relaxer, i ran my fingers through my hair. of course my roots had grown out quite a bit and i could feel my natural kinks comin in and the first thing i thought was, "ugh that's so disgusting. my hair is so nappy." i guess then it just hit me.

before even thinking about it, i had a friend shave it all off. it was such bullshit that i learned to believe that how my hair was naturally was something to be embarrassed by and something to avoid. i can't say i was ready to shave it all off, but i was going to force myself. i was gonna make myself have no choice but to love my crazy hair.

you might be wonderin what the big deal is. it's just hair, right? NO it's SUCH a huge deal to me. and to many other ladies. i believe our hair is a big part of our self-esteem, and i already had a crappy confidence level. you know what it's like to feel so unpretty already and then chop off one of the things you think straight up keeps you from being ugly?

what sucks is that even when i shaved my head, i was hoping that i would have curls like my dad's side of the family or like mixed people have. that's also such bullshit! i was disappointed when i slowly realized i didn't have those looser curls, and was disappointed in my disappointment. but like i said; i was just going to make myself learn to love it. and it's a process, but i'm much better than i was before. one day i'll really know how to handle my hair and i will sincerely think it is beautiful and that i'm beautiful.

a lot of ladies who go natural call it a journey. it really is. don't you think it's weird that it's so revolutionary for me to just let my hair grow as it's supposed to? but it is.

this is just the first of probably a few posts about hair.

(pic is of my beautiful friend carla who is growing her natural hair out! we have the same type, i believe.)

i gotta apologize to some dudes :(

blehhh i've been kind of a bitch lately. i know of a couple of guys who like me. presently, the feelings aren't mutual. however, i've said and done things that i believe may have lead them on, and i may have done these on purpose.

most of you know about the crap i went through at the end of my last semester in school. i was miserable feeling that i wasn't wanted by the one person i did. i'm over that and him now thankfully. but i guess to make up for it, i've been trying to keep a few guys chasing me so i could feel desired.

it's just mean, really. i know what it's like to be lead on and dropped off and hated it. unrequited feelings suck. and i'm sorry if i've done something stupid to mess with your feelings. i do care, and i'll try and be more honest now for others and myself.

but if i get crushed soon down the road, i'll know karma is knockin me on my ass for playing around with guys lol :/

why do i even still like boys? :'(

wannhhh *sniff*

i looked so cute today. got a lot of compliments and a boyfriend request lol. but was it from any guys i actually like? nope. turned it down.

a guy i do like who i saw tonight seriously made an effort to not look at me at all. why?

whatever. unrequited like/love is for chumps! :'(

meanwhile, i'll be trying my best not to fall for you

relationships, man. i wanna avoid them. people act super retarded when they're in them, and of course i'm including myself. it's so hard to think straight when your brain is doped up on oxytocin.

like a drug, really. getting people high and making 'em go through withdrawal when it creeps away. and all junkies think about is how they wanna end the bad feelings and get some more of that good shit so they can get back to rollin' balls.

i've finally got my head clear enough to see how stupid i was and how i never wanna be like that again. but ugh, as much as i hate it, i keep catching myself getting slightly cloudy-headed at times. what's the point of kickin' the habit if all you wanna do when it's over and done with is re-read the same old poem?

i dunno :/ humans are so irrational.

sexual orientation tiem!

on one of my facebook statuses, i said i would write a blog about what i consider myself to be. i went to bed at like 8 and woke up super early. with nothing else to do and no one to talk to, i guess i'll write about it now.

i see sexuality in terms of like...degrees. imagine a line where -50 is completely heterosexual and 50 is completely homosexual. and i guess 0 is for people who really don't give a crap about gender. i feel like we each differ on where we fall in that line.

so if anyone just flat out asked me what i consider myself to be, i would say straight. i am soooo attracted to guys haha. they may be feminine looking sometimes, but i love 'em just the same.

however, there have been a few girls i've met who have made me feel "funny." that's all i can really say about it. you know the nervousness you feel when you're around someone you like?

i can appreciate teh ladies, but i never like 'em like i like guys; except for those aforementioned exceptions. and even when i liked them, it was never like "damn, i wanna get with that," like i can be with dudes. it was more like, "damn, i wanna hold her." and the girls were always androgynous or like a combo of femininity and masculinity.

if you're reading this and thinking, "wow she's really confused," that's cool. cause i am. my life and understanding of myself at the moment can be compared to one of those big wheels that someone spins to try and earn something on a game show. it's still spinning and i'm not sure where it'll land. and just when it's about to, some annoying person runs up and spins it all over again.

it's so many things that are like that right now. i keep changing my mind about everything: who i wanna be, how i wanna act, who i'll let myself have feelings for. i feel like someone just threw a moonstone at me recently and i'm still evolving. KUDOS TO ME FOR BEING ABLE TO MIX POKEMON WITH THIS BLOG POST.

anyway...i hope i explained it pretty well even with my awesome uncertainty. things are pretty complicated, but i like it that way. and i'm still the same ashlee that you love :D

and for anyone who's wondering (like my mom), i've never felt funny around arielle. or betsy. sorry guys. you're my bffs, but no. *hug* i do actually kinda like someone right now, but it's a guy.

a one woman kinda guy?

he is not. lol i almost got played, too. good thing i caught myself.

what a smooth talker. but his words are as empty as my damn wallet!

boo, you whore.

i am NOT straight edge.

i kinda get upset when people try to label me as straight edge when they find out i've chosen not to drink, smoke, or do any other sort of drug.

"oh shit, she's straight edge!"

no. i will try to explain now why it irks me.

to me, straight edge is just a trend. i feel that the majority of people who call themselves straight edge only do it because it was once a fad long ago. or they do it just to seem holier than thou. kinda like a bunch of nonconformists coming together to conform in order to nonconform. what??? exactly.

i seriously know of one dude who was straight edge years ago. got a tattoo for it. now he drinks and smokes and whatever, and had to cover up his tattoo. unfortunate for him.

listen. i haven't chosen to not do these things in order to be a part of some sort of hxc subculture. i've chosen it for personal reasons. and then i get shit from both sides because of it.

people who don't like straight edge kids assume i'm a stuck up dick. someone who will look down on them or criticize them for things they do.

straight edge kids get upset when i'm not doing everything it takes to be straight edge. especially when it comes to sex.

stoooop trying to categorize me, ok? you just can't. you need to get to know me and simply refer to me as "ashlee." so let's get a little out of the way right now.

• i don't smoke. don't drink. and you can't convince me otherwise. there may be a time where i may decide to try drinking, but i can't say if that'll happen. and i would rather not ever be drunk.
• if i ever talk to you negatively about using shit, it's because i care and you're hurting yourself.
• i'm a romantic. i believe in love, i do. but i don't knock off the idea of casual sex either. people can enjoy themselves however they seem fit as long as they're healthy and happy.

there you have it, folks. it's been a long time comin. sorry if i offended anyone. we can discuss these things if you disagree with anything i said. i don't mind.

heeeellllp

too many guys trying to get with me at once. i'm going into dick overload. bout to freak out. they're all over me.

stop!!!! can't you just talk to me cause i'm fun? instead of just when you're hard?

i'll blog more coherently later. i need to lay down.

keep out of jail, kids.

i am kinda wiggin out right now.

if you didn't know, i'm a facebook stalker extraordinaire. i can find people that i've met before even if i can't remember their names. yes, i'm that good.

i was searching and searching for this guy i had a crush on waaayyyy back in elementary school. i just couldn't find him anywhere, which is weird because everyone who's anyone has a facebook these days.

so for grins and giggles i searched an online registry for criminal offenders and bam, there he was. i couldn't remember his last name until it appeared on a list, and when i clicked the link, there was his photo as clear as day. i hadn't seen him in person for well over a decade, but i recognized his eyes immediately. it was pretty damn scary.

drug related offense, of course. and i think possession of a weapon. that dude is locked up until at least 2014.

it weirds me out because...i mean, at one point we were on the same path. we were in elementary school, but still. and at one point i had silly kid feelings for him. what did that guy get into to put himself where he is now?

i hate seeing friends who i feel are making those same mistakes that this guy did. people who are just stuck, but don't see themselves killin their chances because whatever they're doing in the moment feels too good for them to care about. how else does it start, ya know?

i'm not trying to judge. i want people i care about to be safe and smart. but damn, 2014? jesus.

dear job applications and u.s. society in general:

this happens to me every time i fill out an application.

it all goes swimmingly until i get to the last page. you know, the one where you fill out info that will be used SOLELY for statistical purposes.

RACE AND ETHNICITY.

cool. hispanic or latino? check.

black or african american? check.

wait...it says not hispanic or latino in parenthesis. uhhh ok....i'll just check them both. i can't check both? wtf.

oh, whew, ok. there's an option here for two or more races (not hispanic or latino). DAMNIT. help me to understand exactly.

i can be latino, but i can't be black at the same time. is that how it goes? even though apparently one is an ethnicity while the other is a race? america, i think you are very confused. or i'm very confused. or we both are.

are we still stuck a few decades back where mixed people just didn't happen or weren't discussed so much? this bothers me. you need to update your census info. people are for more complex than the few categories you try to throw them into. at least allow us to check multiple boxes!

i'm proud of all of the bits and pieces i am, and i'd like to show em off.

you're going to be super baffled when i start poppin out blasiarican babies! just sayin.

i've been through some pretty frustrating and trying things in my life...

BUT LOSING A POKEMON BATTLE STILL TOPS THE LIST, UGH!! half of my money gone? really? damnit bulbasaur, it was all riding on you!!!!

you've been had. this post is about nothing.

umm i just ate some super mario gummy bears. i only eat the bestest gummy bears.

thanks for reading anyway :3

when guys annoy us! (feat. betsy love)

betsy love and i wanna let some of you know just how annoying you can be and why!

A: come on. i need to shave and wash my hair. do we really need to shower together ALL of the time? i don't need you behind me poking my butt when i'm trying to get things done.

B: just wanted a peck on the lips and what did i get? your mouth open so i can't kiss your lips.

A: it would be a lot easier for me to have an orgasm if you quit asking me if i've already had one. so quit asking me!

B: i straddle you and try to be sexy and you want me off of you....whats wrong with you?!

A: pssht stop sitting around with your friends talking about how some girls give bad blow jobs. the worst blow job is no blow job. and that's exactly what you're getting.

B: drink most of my drinks or at least half of 'em

A: i love video games just like the next nerd. but do we really have to play call of duty again!?

B: farts in my general direction but the worst is in MY face. thats when i hate u most

A: i realize you just wanna make me feel better, but lying to me is not going to help. did you just tell me that i have big boobs? because i clearly do not. are you super retarded?

B: when you make fun of me, its not a little bit it turns out to be a lot. -_-

A: oh man. i can't believe you're trying to get into my pants when i'm upset. i think i hate you.

B: when i try on new clothes and i ask what u think.....u say its cute BUT YOUR NOT EVEN LOOKING AT ME -_-

A: you don't have money to pay my way, but you don't have money to pay yours either? i know times are hard, but damn! don't take me out if you're not really taking me out.

B: dont play evil tricks like thinking that someone stole your gfs keys

now stop it!!

how to help someone like you (ladies)

i've seen so many emo statuses lately...i feel like i should help out a bit. hahaha, just kidding :P

but yes, there are a few tricks i have up my sleeve for when i want someone wrapped around my little finger. i haven't used them in a while...but they tend to work, even if just slightly.

note: you can't make someone love you, duh. not even an all-powerful genie can do that.

eyes, eyes and more eyes

i cannot stress this enough. this is probably my favorite to use. ever heard of the lover's gaze? if two people love each other, then they are more likely to stare into each other's eyes.

however, staring into someone's eyes isn't just something two people who obviously like each other do. a person may actually find themselves more attracted to you if you look into their eyes long enough.

it's true! studies have shown it to be true. strangers rate each other as being more attractive if they are made to just sit and gaze at each other O.O

another thing is this: the bigger the eyes are, the harder they fall. i know you've seen lots of pics of chicks looking up and somewhere else instead of directly at the camera. it makes the eyes sorta pop out and look bigger, which equals more attractive. and duh, this is why some chicks cake on the eyeliner. ok, most chicks.

bigger pupils are also more attractive. people back in the day took belladonna (do NOT look that up on google images because that is a pornstar) to make their eyes bigger. but to get the same effect without getting whacked out on drugs, candlelit dinners work.

but didya know that if someone is attracted to you, their eyes will dilate when they look at you? (if their eyes contract, they might actually hate you :x whoops). so next time you're with that someone and you're not sure if they're really into you, check out their eyes. and bend their soul to your will while you're at it.

warning: although i've said it's a trick against someone else, sexy eyes will likely backfire and leave you crushin as well, if you're not already.

ovulating??

i hope you know what this is, lol. it's when your body releases an egg and is kinda chillin around for a bit and waiting to see if any spermies come along.

this isn't about getting knocked up! but let's keep it real. our bodies will def try to trick us into getting knocked up when we're most fertile.

ladies will be more aroused when they're ovulating. i mean, think about it. the more aroused you are, the more receptive you'll be to sex, and the greater the chances you'll get knocked up. yay, babies! it's a cruel game.

but here comes the awesome part. the pheromones you release while ovulating will make you seem more attractive. soo...chill with that someone while you're ovulating, duh! if you're in tune with your body, it shouldn't be that hard to find out when you are. i usually get a slight cramp from an ovary o.O that sounds weird.

if you're on the pill, i can't really give you any advice, lol. the pill prevents ovulation, and is also likely to decrease libido. :P sucks. but not as much as unplanned babies!

child-bearin' hips

sorry to say that most matters on attraction have to do with reproduction. i told you that our bodies were tricky bastards!

having a waist that's significantly smaller than the hips is considered more attractive to men. and it really is because child-bearing is easier on such women.

i'm not saying that you have to have huge hips. it's the ratio that counts. so play up on it. dress to flatter that area. but try not to look like a whore. only cause i'm asking nicely :D

also having a nice pair of boobs helps, but i am def not the person to go to for advice on that XD

scary movies!

if you're gonna sit down and watch a movie, make it a scary one. that's because attraction increases in periods of heightened anxiety. i'm not sure why exactly...lol. it also makes for a good excuse to snuggle :3

too much perfume is definitely not good

yea, i get that you wanna smell pretty. i most likely won' t think that you do because i pretty much despise perfume, but i bet you think guys like it. and it's true, sometimes they like it.

although our natural pheromones are what usually do the trick, smelling like b.o. isn't too fun nowadays. if you're gonna put on that amazingly scented lotion from victoria's secret, do it when dressed casually. if you're super dolled up, it'll have the opposite effect. trust the research, babe.

um that's enough for now. i can't tell you all my tricks and have you takin all the cute guys, BETSY.

and on a final note, you shouldn't really do these things with someone you don't plan to like back. ever had a lovesick stalker?? that's some scary shit!

hope it helps!

i made a mistake.

i guess i was too afraid to stand up and tell you that you were wrong.

i shoulda found all your alcohol and poured it down the drain, really. how much money did you spend on all that? you would have been so pissed off. i think my heart would break to see you yelling in my face.

but i would rather have that than...not. to have nothing and you not here is a daily torture, man. i'm in that hell hole with you. how could i not be?

anyway...i'm so exhausted. i have so many guys offering me...whatever. telling me i'm beautiful. telling me they have something for me. and i want it, and then i don't. and then i know better, and then i don't really want to.

i just want you here. i can't trust them but i trusted you everytime you said it. so come back soon, ok :'( you can help me fight cause you always did before. i need you.

funny moments in my life

1. when i was in middle school, some dumb dude had a crush on me. one day he cornered me against the fence on the playground and told me that i was gonna marry him. then he told me to kiss him.

i told him i'd rather kiss a dead moose's butt. then i punched him in the face when he tried to kiss me anyway. this is why i wasn't kissed until i was 19.

2. in 2nd grade, i really liked to hug people. including girls. one day my best friend and crush at the time started teasing me saying "ashlee's gay!" i went and told my teacher about it and she said "are you sure they don't mean 'happy'?"

i'm in second grade, but i'm not stupid. dumb bitch. anyway, i was weird about hugging girls for years after that.

3. once when me and my bf at the time were having fun, things got crazy and we flipped over the damn futon. it made an insanely loud crash. i heard his mom downstairs scream "what the HELL was that!?," and then she and his sister rushed upstairs to see if we were okay.

he cracked open the door, "do you really wanna know?"

"oh.....no."

4. that reminds me...i also put a blindfold on him, tied his arms up with a leopard printed belt, and paraded him in front of his sisters and other company. he deserved it.

5. a guy was hitting on me not too long ago. he seemed to really like me and was trying to get me to go out with him that night.

"do you drink?"

"nah."

"and you don't smoke either?"

"nope."

"oh you're a good girl, you don't want me."

then he told me to have a good day and left. at least he was honest?

6. when i was in school in a.c., i was known as the smart shy kid. we had a states and capitals competition one day. when it was my turn, the teacher said "wyoming." i shouted "cheyenne!," but pronounced it "shey-en-ee." they counted it as incorrect.

my team lost. i blamed myself and cried hard.

7. my rotty nala loved me, but was known for attacking people. a friend of the family's came over and really wanted to see nala. i stood beside her just in case and sure enough, my dog snapped and tried to attack. i jumped on nala and held her down while i screamed "GO, NOW!!!"

it was like a cool action flick.

8. years before i had nala, i had sheba-a half rotty. i also had a rooster. sheba broke loose from her chain and started to chase the rooster. i grabbed onto sheba's chain and held on for dear life in hopes of slowing her down so she wouldn't catch it. my mom cracked up at how my legs were flying like a rag doll.

btw a few days later my rooster went missing. a few days after that, i found its mostly eaten body. she also ate my cat. and my neighbor's groceries when they left the bags in the bed of their truck.

9. i used to like wrestling. i was wrestling this one guy and he really pissed me off somehow. i did this one move where i put his head between my legs, lifted him up by his waist and over my head, then threw him head-first into the ground.

a cement ground. he started crying and told me his "brain hurt." i and others present started laughing and from then on when we wanted to wrestle, we said, "wanna play brain ache?"

i could've killed that boy...so this one isn't actually too funny. and i can remember the sound the impact made. it makes me feel horrible when i think about it.

10. the dude above's sister got into a fight with a boy. a serious physical fight. punching and kicking and craziness. we had just gotten back to her house from walking from the store, where i had bought a pickle.

i tried to break up the fight by offering them my pickle.

geez, i tried to think up 10 things and it was difficult!! my life isn't very fun.

how to tell if ashlee LIKE likes you.

yes, i am in 2nd grade!

she texts/calls me whenever she's super upset

either i like you or you're a good friend, so either way, good job! the chance of me liking you increases if i text you because i feel badly about what some other guy did.

she has slapped my face numerous, numerous times

there is actually no other reason that i would slap your face. unless you're my brother ivan and i just wanna slap your face and run away quickly.

in public she follows me around like a puppy

it's kind of embarrassing and i don't realize what i'm doing until it's too late and everyone else has noticed, but this is a good sign. or you have some type of food on your person that i'd like to eat.

when i'm talking to an attractive person while she's nearby, she acts awkward

i always act awkward, but if i like you and you're talking to some other hot person, i act super awkward. like just kind of standing to the side without saying anything but looking at you like O.O lol.

if i show up near her when she wasn't expecting to see me, she'll have a panic attack

i hate when this happens! try talking to someone you like when you're shaking and can't breathe. my nerves suck.

actually, even when she expects to see me, she's always nervous and jittery for the first couple of minutes.

guilty.

i have given her a cookie on at least one occasion

yep i like you.

she doesn't talk to me at all and when she sees me in public she avoids me. nothing gets her attention anymore and she's always flirting with other guys now :( i think she hates me.

actually, no. if i like you that much, then i will do all of those things and send totally opposite signals. it's cause i like you but i don't want to (right now i kinda don't want the stress of liking someone too much), so i'm in the process of weaning.

and there you have it! the top signs that ashlee is totally crushin'. how to make me like you is a completely different story.

ivan doesn't know what rule 34 is.

hey, iv.

yea?

you know what rule 34 of the internet is?

yes.

nuh uh!

yea huh!

what is it, then?

yao.

yao????....what's rule 34?

it's gay couples.

where'd you find that out at?

i dunno, i was searching the webs and i saw a gay couple and it said rule 34.

that's not what rule 34 is, ivan.

what is it, then?

look it up.

*goes on google images* OH OMG!

you were supposed to look up the definition, not pictures!

oh, ok. oh. ohhh oh oh oh i oh i know what rule 34 is now.

what is it?

adult babies. brain wrapping. 4 chan. weeaboos, what?

i'm a terrible sister.

oh no he DIDN'T!

ohhhh hahaha man i am trippin'. there was this guy that i was flirting with a while back. he was all into me until i told him that i had only been with one guy.

he rejected the hell out of me when i told him! like hardcore. he said something like, "well it's been fun, but i prefer girls with a slutty side. kthxbai" and stopped talking to me.

i was like, pssht gladly, asshole. i don't want anything to do with you either, vd man. huge argument ensued. i almost had to kick his ass.

but the reason i'm laughing now is cause i just received a message from him months after the fact. "hey, how have you been?"

are you SERIOUS!? i'm wondering if i should ignore him or destroy him. what do you think?

users, man.

i'm a nice person usually. really, i am. if you sound like you're in need, i'll try my best to come running. and i'm thankful for those who would do the same for me.

but it's parasites that leech, suck you dry and then leave that just make my life hurt. seriously. the kind that linger around when you've got it like that, but when the good stuff disappears, they hightail it outta there. they still make you? a shred of dignity? no?

people like them make me not wanna trust anyone anymore. but then i'd be losing, right? makin good people go bad because they've been treated horribly time and time again.

not happenin, bud. keep usin me. call me only when you need something. take everything from me and leave me pickin up the pieces.

and when that day comes when you've got nothing and no one's answering cause you've used 'em all, know where i'll be? right by your side and helping your dumbass back up again. because that's the kind of person i am.

bitch.

i think i figured out why i like asian guys so much

most of the asian guys i've seen have really soft features in the face. feminine features. i really like that. and when they wear eyeliner...let's not even go there.

most of you know too that i have a huge thing for long hair. that's also usually a feminine feature.

i will be completely unattracted to a guy until he grows his hair out. or until i find out that at some point he once had long hair. like, no lie. i'll meet a guy in person and think, meh. then i friend him on facebook, see pics from the past when he had long hair, and it'll click in my head *wow...this guy is hot!*

what's wrong with me? in conclusion, i'm pretty much gay.

p.s.-the pic is of edward furlong. not asian. but he has all of the features i love. also note, this is before he got whacked out on drugs. he is ugly as hell now hahaha.

things are all different as hell nowadays

i'm weird. been doin' and thinkin' things i didn't think i could. if you asked me at fourteen whether or not i was against premarital sex, i would have said hell yea. if someone offered me a drink two years ago, i probably would have freaked out at them. it's stuff like that.

but i'm wondering if i'm being too open about certain things. ya know, like if my thoughts and feelings are in the wrong. it's getting to the point that i feel like i'm off track. my life has never lacked so much control and it's scary. i've still got my head on straight...if i'm even facing in the right direction. damn, i don't wanna be wrong. but i don't wanna not step out of my comfort zone either.

i dunno. i just want someone to step up and be like, "oh, hey. yea, you're doin' right. just keep goin' that way." or say, "meh, you should probably look thatta way instead." i just got out of a pretty painful situation and i don't wanna get hurt again any time soon because i didn't think clearly :(